my random thoughts

about anything

Bintang Laut


Rabu seminggu yang lalu, pagi hari setelah menyiapkan sarapan untuk Ben, si bayi menangis minta digendong. Saya menghampiri bayi yang sedang tergolek di kasur, lalu entah berjongkok atau berlutut, kemudian menggendongnya. BAM. Tiba-tiba sekujur punggung saya seperti dialiri listrik. Sakitnya tak tertahankan. Si bayi nyaris terlempar kembali ke kasur, tangisan yang tadi berhenti pun mengencang lagi. Mungkin dia bingung, “Kok aku ditaruh lagi, Mamaaaaaa?”

Saya hanya bisa tengkurap. Posisi bintang laut. Tak pernah saya sangka, saya akan berada dalam posisi tersebut hingga 1 jam ke depan.

Yang ada di rumah pagi itu hanya saya, Ben, dan bayi C. Saya tengkurap dan berharap sakitnya segera mereda.Jadi sakitnya itu seperti kencaaaaaang banget di punggung bawah, menekan dengan dahsyat, lalu mereda, lalu tanpa aba-aba, diulang lagi dari nol. Setelah beberapa saat jelas harapan saya itu akan kandas, saya mulai memutar otak, apa yang harus dilakukan. Hal pertama yang saya lakukan: cek refleks ujung-ujung jari kaki dan tangan. Saya goyang-goyangkan tangan dan kaki, bagus, masih bisa gerak dan terasa. Coba nungging, uh-oh, sakitnya langsung menyerang. Saya hanya bisa jerit-jerit sendiri. Ben belum mengerti dan dia mungkin mengira ini sedang seru, jadi dia malah menandak-nandak kegirangan di sebelah adiknya T.T Continue reading “Bintang Laut”



For heaven’s sake:




down under

Your cold wind is calling me.

Your smell of coffee is calling me.

Your clear blue sky is waving at me.

A feeling you’ve successfully created inside of me every time I watched the tall trees with those beautiful colours of leaves; a strange yet familiar feeling, bittersweet sensation of realising that I was so far away, yet I was present.

Oh I could cry every time I think about you.

I savoured every moment whether I was waiting on a peaceful station or in a crowded one. I savoured every moment. I captured every moment with my old grey cells, not with my smart cellphone.

Are you calling me there? Can I return to you again? Can I walk on your tidily paved streets? Can I feel those cold wind on my bare face again?

I will return.

Rolling Along

Having two kids – without maid – teaches me some things:

  1. You need to reprioritise your life. Dirty dishes can wait. Wet nappies can wait. Even dusts can wait. Sometimes your baby needs to be held first, to be fed first. Then, just then, when she is settled and satisfied, you can start doing your chores.
  2. You don’t need to be perfect. Who, is able, anyhow? There are more than few times when I regret my words or deeds toward my firstborn, some were because of my own lack of patience or wisdom, or when I was hectic from having to take care of his lil sis or when I need to sweep rooms. I learned to do over. Reset. Leave those harsh and mean words, practise respect by saying gentle words.
  3. Accept the way your life rolls. Having another baby is my choice. Not having a maid is my choice as well. Both choices are guarantee of a mess. But it doesn’t need to be an awful mess. Just like I took my choices above, I can always choose my response to my daily situation. Don’t blame others. Never blame God. NEVER blame your spouse. They are your partners, you walk with them, they are with you through this.

You are tried, but you don’t have to suffer from those hardship. Keep rolling, keep believing, keep your faith. All will fall to their places one day, and soon enough you’re gonna (say that I’m crazy for saying this, but, hey) miss those old days. It is bitterly true anyway, you are closest to God when you feel pain.



Hi, hello.

Just a quick update to make sure this blog stays alive.

#1 – Baby C is 4 months old already. She can roll to her tummy from her left side. Not yet rolling back, but that is no concern, of course. She still is a calm baby, although not that easily drift to sleep as she used to like 2 months ago. I’m grateful having such a calm baby, even when she is awaken by the noise of her two brothers or anything, she never gets too cranky to calm. Just a little shush-shush or snuggle in Mama’s arm is enough to make this munchkin become still again. She is such a HUGE blessing, indeed. Whenever I need to take time with her brother-sibling, she doesn’t mind. Like today, when I was scolding my firstborn, C was crying. It was her nap time. It took me about 5 minutes, and when I turned back, she was already dozing. Well she was awake when I came to her, then I nursed her to sleep. Oh, love you my timtam baby.

#2 – No, still no maid. Still going strong with tired limbs every night, though. And scattered mind. But, yeah, life can’t be perfect, right. Also, the extra 800k I used to spend for maid is pretty useful to sustain our living.

#3 – Ben is going to school next year. We took the decision when we saw how interested he is to studying academically. We realised we can’t give him a sustainable atmosphere of homeschooling, so big heartedly we opened a new option, formal school it is. Looking for a primary school in Jakarta could be exhausted, I told you. Moreover if you are ambitious parents – which thankfully we are not, I guess. We don’t need him to score perfect, we only want him to grow in a conducive atmosphere, for him to develop more. Homeschool enthusiast may break this reasoning as quick as possible, but I think this is the key: know your kid. Ben is a very social person, he would get stressed when he doesn’t meet people. This likely has caused him to have big emotion whenever we go out to meet up with friends or family. I personally truly hope a school situation would help him to overcome that big emotion of his.

#4 – Me? I haven’t got any job since two months ago T.T Miss working and miss the money OF COURSE.

#5 – We just passed our 7th anniversary. Nothing special, not even dinner outside. But who cares as long as we have each other.

Now I think I must purchase those medicated hot plaster….

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The Laughing Phoenix

Life through broken 3D glasses. Mostly harmless.