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35 months & 1 week

That was the starting date of Jean quitting her night feeds. It happened just like that.

As we were getting ready to sleep, as usual, Jean asked for nenen. As usual, I said gently, “You’re getting big now. No more nenen.” As usual, I didn’t expect anything, I wouldn’t refuse if she insisted, also. Therefore I was a bit surprised that she didn’t reply my redundant refusal. She just stayed quiet, played with her dolls and her many stuff, then before I knew, she fell asleep already. All night. ALL NIGHT. And my friends, that’s how she was weaning with love. Every time she cried and asked for nenen again, as much as I wanted to lie down and opened my shirt, I resisted and offered her a hug or a cradle. She never refused a cradle, so there it went. I’d cradle her for a while, then brought her to bed again, often while hugging her.

July 19, 2020. That’s the date.

Just 3 weeks before her 3rd birthday. I’m more than relieved that she decided to stop breastfeeding before she’s turning 3, anyway! Now I know what does weaning with love means :’)

Thank you, Jean. I guess that will always be your way, not too soon, not too slow. Just right in time.

Happy birthday, little girl (yesterday, August 6). Thank you for bringing so much joy in my life. I love you so much.

Goodbye, Sierra Lite.

I lost my bike today. 

My beautiful tosca Sierra Lite.

We had been together since May 10th, 2013. I redeemed her at the price of Rp1,610,000,-

She had been my company for the longest time I remember.

I learned to overcome my fear with her.

Once I fell from her while riding with baby Ben. He was traumatic and strongly refuse to sit on his baby seat for almost a month. I was traumatic, too. I was afraid that I would fall again, that I would hurt my baby. Until one day I summoned my courage and told myself, this can’t last forever. I need to get up again!

So I put the crying baby Ben on his baby seat and slowly pushed my bike. I told him stories, I sang him songs, I pointed him birds and cats and flowers, anything to distract him from his fear. I didn’t give in to his tears. We did this for a week or two, then suddenly, he didn’t cry anymore when I sat on the saddle instead of pushing the bike. Before he knew, we were already riding again, happily and gratefully.

There were times when Siera Lite sitting lonely because I didn’t touch her at all – me being pregnant with Jean at that time, followed by delivering baby and recovering phase and so on. 

I just recently got back on pedals again, to the traditional market, to run errands, to pick up Ben whenever there’s someone to babysit Jean. This past week particulary, I used my bike almost every day to pick up Ben from school, as Opa and Oma are in the house.

Until today.

Until that filthy person took my bike. He stole it.

I don’t know who he is, I don’t know and don’t really care what his motives are, I don’t even know whether I can forgive him or not; I am just… sad. To part with something that had been like forever in my life. 

However, life must goes on. I can’t control what has happened, nothing I can do that is able to change the fact that a stranger chose to steal other’s belonging. 

I remember what Miiko’s father told her when she (thought) lost her new bracelet: “Every belonging of yours carry your memories. When it was gone, consider that it also gone with your bad luck.” I know, those are not per se, but yeah, you got my point, don’t you?

Thank you for serving me and my family for this 6 years. You’ve been a wonderful addition to our vehicles. I won’t forget you. Thank you for helping us making memories, thank you for being a part of our lives. I hope you well.

25 months

Jean is 25 months 9 days, per today. She is still breastfeeding.

Well, I did try to talk her out of it – which comes to no avail.

Maybe it’s because I myself still enjoy our breastfeeding moment, when I can get lying down time – and screen time, too, not gonna lie. Or, maybe, largely because I don’t want the weaning process to happen abruptly and a little harsh – as it did with her brother 😦

I try, though, to limit the breastfeeding time. For example, I insist to not breastfeed her in the car. Only in home, only in the room. Well of course it fails almost every time. Blame me, I just don’t have heart to let her cry or to see her feel very drowsy and whining for breastfeeding.

Today, while we were on our way to get some lunch, again, Jean asked for ‘nyenye’. I knew she was sleepy, she woke up pretty early today – it was barely 8 in the morning – and yes, it is early for a child whose regular wake up time is after 9 a.m.!

I tried to talk her out again. Again and again, every time she cried, “Nyenye, nyenye,” I replied, “Not in the car. In our room.” I answered 3 or 4 times like this, she came with another request: “Nyenye, wiwi,” which translates to “Nenen di mobil” or “BF in the car”. I refused to give in, then I saw her became really drowsy. She rubbed her eyes and cried a bit. I almost gave in, really I did. But then she fell asleep. Just like that. Without screaming or crying for “nyenye”. And my heart went….

Maybe it’s me. I just can’t stand the fact that she is getting bigger! Not my baby! T.T

Menjelang Sore di Perpustakaan Nasional RI

Ben sedang libur sekolah. Libur lumayan panjang. Setelah menghabiskan 10 hari di kampung halaman (curi start, sih, sebenarnya :p), masih tersisa 2 minggu libur.

Suatu hari perhatian saya terbentur pada kiriman acak di Instagram yang memuat foto di Perpustakaan Nasional. Tentu saja jiwa saya menggelora dan bergegaslah saya mencari tahu tentang Perpusnas. Melihat tampilan depan gedungnya saja saya sudah terpikat, jadi tak butuh pertimbangan berat, saya putuskan untuk mengunjungi Perpusnas, segera!

Berangkatlah kami – saya, Ben, Jean, dan my everlasting companion, Bakpiu, Rabu siang sekitar pukul 2. Mungkin karena masih libur sekolah, kondisinya ramai. Kartu anggota pun sudah habis kuotanya (500 kartu setiap hari). Jadi meskipun saya sudah mendaftar daring, sudah punya nomor anggota yang aktif, tetap saya tidak bisa mencetak kartu hari itu. Kami pun dibebaskan untuk naik tanpa menggunakan kartu. Tadinya saya ingin keliling-keliling lantai (ada 24 lantai), tetapi situasinya tidak kondusif. Pertama: eskalator hanya mencapai 4 lantai. Kedua: Lift ada 4 (kalau tidak salah), tapi berkapasitas kecil dan dengan pengunjung sebanyak itu, what can you expect. Ketiga, pengunjung yang berdesak-desakan menunggu lift kosong itu nyaris barbaric, tanpa malu mereka berkerumun DI DEPAN pintu lift persis. Begitu pintu terbuka, mereka merangsek masuk, hampir tak memberi kesempatan kepada yang mau keluar. Terakhir namun yang terpenting: pada bau badan gila. Maka tanpa banyak debat kami sepakat: langsung ke lantai 7!

Lantai 7 adalah lantai untuk anak-anak. Koleksi bukunya cukup banyak, tetapi saya tidak sempat berkeliling, karena kondisi juga cukup ramai di sana dan ada anak bayi kegirangan lihat ruang lapang yang harus saya awasi terus. Lumayan bangetlah di sini, Ben enggak protes sekali pun. Bahkan dia berhasil menghabiskan satu buku yang lumayan tebal dalam waktu 1 jam lebih *proud mom*.

Selain buku juga disediakan beberapa komputer yang bisa digunakan dengan menunjukkan kartu anggota. Nanti diberikan kata sandi untuk masuk ke program. juga fasilitas taman bermain – yang sayangnya masih dalam tahap renovasi, jadi ditutup. Fasilitas yang tak kalah penting: jaringan wifi yang kencang dan gratis! Toilet tak jauh dari perpustakaan; bersih, tidak bau pesing, tersedia tisu juga di luar bilik kloset. (Maaf untuk seorang ibu yang kaget ketika mendengar teriakan spontan saya ‘sh*t’ saat melihat pembalut wanita kotor – IYKWIM – menganga begitu saja di dalam tong sampah – ampun deh jadi manusia/perempuan kok jorok banget sih)

Salah satu sudut di lantai 7.

Oya, untuk masuk ke gedung Perpusnas, terlebih dahulu kita akan melalui sebuah bangunan yang tidak terlalu besar, berisi pameran media tentang pustaka. Keren deh instalasinya! Ada semacam lukisan besar di dinding yang disorot oleh proyektor dari langit-langit dan memberikan efek seolah lukisan tersebut bergerak-gerak.

Ben minta difoto lagi pura-pura baca XD
La Galigo. Ceritanya menarik, dan ternyata pementasan teaternya sedang mampir di Indonesia setelah 15 tahun keliling dunia!

Perpusnas ditutup pukul 6 sore, jadi menjelang pukul 5 kami sudah bergegas turun ke bawah, demi mengejar lalu lintas yang masih cukup bersahabat.

Sampai jumpa, Perpusnas! Semoga di pertemuan berikut masalah akomodasi di gedungmu yang megah tak lagi menyulitkan dan para pengunjung sudah semakin beradab karena mereka semakin banyak membaca 🙂

Huft.

So you have your coping mechanism. It’s totally fine, whether it includes ignoring people who care about you. Take your time, as much as it needed.

There. I give it to you.

The Five Horrible Days

This is the next part of this post.

Never in my life it crossed my mind that my baby would be hospitalised, again. The first time was when she was only 5 days old, due to a high bilirubin level. She was only hospitalised one night that time, but it was already a nightmare for me. I could barely sleep that day.

Then that other day came. The day when Jean relapsed.

Well actually the day when the doctor told us that Jean was okay and we were to continue her home treatment, she had a mild fever, like 37,7 C. See, really mild. She was regaining her appetite and vigour, she was okay. The very next day, we were to celebrate Opa’s birthday in a restaurant. Suddenly Jean had fever again. I gave her paracetamol and she fell asleep. I thought, okay, nothing to worry about. Except for her food that she almost didn’t touch. We went home. I tried to feed Jean again, but she refused. Then she threw up, twice. The last one was like a lot, my cousin said. Then Aries held her until she fell asleep. I looked at her face, I saw how droopy she was and I was worried sick. I asked Aries to bring her to ER. At first he said I was over worried but I didn’t care. I needed to know what was going on with my baby. Off we went.

The ER doctor examined her, read her blood test result, then told us nothing to worry about, it was just her recovery process. Just continue with her treatment, she assured us. I was a bit relieved, plus Jean started to eat (all hail to potato!). Still, when the night crawled in, I touched her and I could tell, the fever hadn’t go away. This wasn’t good. But I decided to wait.

The next morning, I could barely slept that night, we were too tired and decided to let Ben stay at home instead of going to school. Around 9 am, Jean had diarrhoea. Twice. Then she slumped again. I called Aries and asked him to take her to hospital.

Hello again, ER!

The ER doctor was quickly responding, thank God. He coordinated with Jean’s peed and everything went quite fast from there. I felt quite numb seeing nurses trying to inject IV into Jean, she cried, she fought (still strong), but at the end the nurses triumphed. Then we were transferred to the room, class 2 (after down payment was paid, of course).

The first three days were the toughest. The first day felt like a dream. Seeing my baby, my little girl sitting there, staring at her hand with the IV needle, crying, refusing to eat or drink. The second day was almost the same. Unless she was a bit chirpy, although she still refused food or drink. All hail to breast milk! I got to confess, I felt a little bit comfortable on this second day. I mean, everything was under control. I didn’t have to cook, didn’t have to clean, even didn’t have to wash her. Help was just a button press away. Any time she threw out or got bad diarrhoea, I just pressed the magic button and voila, entered the frisky nurse. I started to felt overwhelmed the next day. Jean still had episodes of fever, still refused to eat, and even looked a bit stressed. My poor baby. The light of hope, however, shone on the fourth day. She was free from fever for 24 hours. Yet the peed asked us to stay 1 more night, to make sure everything was okay. I agreed, that was also my plan. My heart sunk when I felt her temperature was rising on the early morning. It was like 2 or 3 a.m., I asked the nurse to check and yes, she was 38 C. I almost broke down. Please, another night? The peed visited before 8 a.m., his face looked concerned and he wondered why would Jean had fever again. My best guess was because that night Jean could barely sleep because she was coughing so badly. Ozen (cetirizine) and granules med didn’t really help. I almost yelped when the peed asked me to stay one more night. Thank God he changed his mind and instead asked to run another blood test, if the result went good, we could go home, but if it wasn’t, you know what to do. Exactly my thought so I agreed quickly. I prayed unceasingly that morning, asking for moral support from some friends and family, too. The answer came not too long afterwards. “The result was good, you are clear to go home,” the peed texted me. I was dancing in joy! Yes!!!

Aries picked me up in no time, and oh how proud I was that Ben could sit nicely in that ugly waiting hall. We are together again, Jean is healthy again, gaining back her appetite. I do hope and pray you’re gonna be much healthier after this, Jean!

The Days When Jean Was Sick

So Jean was sick this week. Started on Sunday with mild fever, then suddenly spiked up at Monday and it went downhill on Tuesday morning, when she threw out yellowish slime – which turned out to be her stomach liquid or something like that.

There it went our Xin Jia plan. We rushed to emergency room that morning. Jean was given anal medication of ibuprofen, and then the ER doctor offered to check her blood. Personally I found it a little bit unusual, since it was only the second day of fever, but who cares in that moment, I agreed.

The result wasn’t great. It was bad, actually. Her leukocyte and CRP level went through the roof and the doctor suggested her to be hospitalized. Aries and I took time to discuss. He preferred Jean to be treated at home, since he wasn’t sure Jean would receive the IV lightly. He just couldn’t bear the image of his daughter crying and rejecting the IV, trying to pull it away, so, no, we wouldn’t admit her, at least not that day, and decided to take her home and return to her pediatrician the very next day.

We met Dr. Edward, Jean’s ped since day 1. He explained that she needed to be admitted for a faster recovery process, but he wouldn’t make us to, so he added the antibiotic dosage plus some other meds. He did give us warning, when Jean appears limp, refuses to drink, and no wet diapers, we must immediately take her to hospital. That day, we went home with a heavy heart.

And so day by day, we religiously fed her meds. I really didn’t have heart but I talked myself in, this is for her own good. I am so proud of her, how she willingly taking in her meds.

Slowly, the fever subsided. It kept lowering in both frequency and duration. Jean appeared healthier, she ate more each day (thank God for papaya whenever she didn’t finish her main course), she slept more each day, and she kept getting energetic each day.

One day, while she was sleeping, my mind was entertaining this negative thinking and I broke down and cried. I prayed, “God, please heal Jean. I miss my happy cheeky daughter, I miss seeing her dancing, humming, I miss her smile.” I cried for some more and I stated how I trusted God, I admitted He is Lord over us, He is sovereign and He is sovereign upon science. That very day, He answered my prayer. Jean was happily dancing and humming and smiling that day. My heart was so full.

Today, four days after the ER visit – though it feels like forever – we went to Dr. Edward again and he gave Jean a clean bill of health. She doesn’t need to be hospitalized, just continue and finish the meds. HALLELUJAH. To add our delight, he didn’t charge us his service 🙂

So it’s been like 18 hours since her last fever, the longest in the last 5 days. Thank you, God! Thank you, Doc! 

BeTeParah

Ternyata yang kecewa, bete, dan sebal bukan saya seorang. Senewennya sampai ke hati! Bagaimana tidak, pahlawan yang dipuja-puja, dinantikan hari kebebasannya dari kelaliman hukum yang berpihak, melangkah keluar dengan membawa kabar mengejutkan.

Well, tidak terlalu mengejutkan sebenarnya karena burung-burung kecil sudah membawakan kabarnya beberapa bulan yang lalu. Namun banyak yang seperti saya, memilih untuk tidak percaya sampai hal itu terjadi.

BAM.

Tersebarlah video dan foto-foto itu. Seorang sosok baru yang tiba-tiba hadir di tengah sosok-sosok lama. Sosok baru yang tampaknya out of place.

Ah, memang kau hanya manusia biasa. Pria biasa. Hanya saja… mengapa begitu cepat, Pak? Haruskah menikah lagi, Pak? Tidakkah engkau ingin membenahi hidupmu terlebih dulu? Tidakkah engkau ingin berkonsentrasi pada hal-hal baru yang akan kaukerjakan? Tidakkah engkau akan dipusingkan dengan romantisme gaya milenial?

Ah, Pak. Tahukah kau, banyak yang jadi curiga padamu. Jangan-jangan, kaulah yang mulai duluan, sehingga getol dirimu membatalkan janji setia sehidup sematimu belasan tahun yang lalu dengan perempuan sederhana itu. Perempuan yang tidak banyak omong, namun karyanya menjulang.

Ah, Pak. Tak rela rasanya hati ini melihat pendamping barumu. Ibarat alat musik, tadinya kau bersanding dengan cello yang anggun dan megah, kini kau menenteng cekrekan yang terbuat dari tutup botol dan paku. Ugh. Maaf ya, Mbaknya.

Saya masih sebal.

Pengalaman Menggunakan Minyak Kutus-Kutus (2)

Hai!

Ini adalah update dari tulisan bulan lalu ini.

Saya mulai memakaikan MKK ini ke Mochi terhitung tanggal 6 Desember 2018. Sengaja memang saya tunggu sebulan agar hasilnya lebih valid. Tsah.

Tiga hari pertama, Mochi tidur malamnya lelap banget. Saya yang biasanya kerja malam dan harus menunggu dia tidur dulu, tumben-tumbennya bisa kerja banyak tanpa jeda menyusui Mochi yang biasanya masih terbangun-bangun ini. Takjub juga.

Setelah seminggu, dua minggu, saya perhatikan Mochi tampak bugar terus. Hidungnya kering (biasanya ada aja basahnya), seger terus pokoknya.

Tiga minggu, Mochi masih berkibar-kibar jaya. Di rumah lagi ada anak kecil yang sakit pun, Mochi tetap kuat. Padahal biasanya, besoknya dia udah ikutan batuk/pilek.

Masuk minggu keempat, sekitar tanggal 4 Januari 2019, Mochi mulai tumbang. Dia sumeng-sumeng satu hari, eh hari kedua panas tinggi sampai di atas 38 dercel. PCT udah enggak mempan, enggak mau makan (ini yang bikin galau berat), meskipun dia masih menyusu terus. Akhirnya hari ketiga kami bawa ke DSA langganan. Radang, kata dokter. Tapi tenggorokannya enggak sampe bengkak, jadi enggak dikasih antibiotik. Kemungkinan besar Mochi tertular dari saya yang memang lagi batuk-batuk dan membandel enggak makan/minum obat batuk. Alhasil, Mama yang lagi ada di rumah pun bawel menyuruh saya minum obat. Dan memang sih, setelah saya mulai minum obat, Mochi berangsur membaik. Meskipun begitu, pulang dari dokter, dua hari dia masih bolak balik demam (di atas 38 dercel) dongggg. Plus mencret pula. Karena khawatir, kami balik lagi DSA. “Oh, radangnya sudah membaik,” kata dokter. “Paru-paru masih bersih. Mungkin masih recovery, kita tunggu saja ya.” Budok juga menambahkan Proris ke daftar obat dan Zinc untuk membantu diarenya. Proris, karena ibuprofen juga mengandung antiradang, jadi lebih efektif untuk sakit Mochi kali ini. Ada catatan dari apoteker, Proris hanya diberikan jika suhu di atas 38,5 dercel. Budok juga melampirkan surat pengantar cek lab seandainya diare Mochi masih lanjut dan berwarna hitam.

Puji Tuhan, besoknya pup Mochi mulai mengental. Mungkin pengaruh dia juga mulai mau makan. Per hari ini, 11 Januari, Mochi semakin pulih, makannya sudah mendekati normal lagi.

Kembali ke Kutus-Kutus, di salah satu forum saya sempat membaca ada gosip kalau minyak ini ada “isinya”, namun ada yang membantah, katanya dia tetangga si bapak yang meracik minyak ini, dan menurut dia minyak ini murni dibuat si bapak karena kasihan melihat cucunya yang bolak-balik ke dokter, dan minyak itu bersih dari “isi” begituan.

My verdict: Mochi sehat walafiat selama 3 minggu lebih itu sudah satu anugerah besar banget. Hal itu belum pernah terjadi sebelum saya pakai MKK. Jadi, menurut saya, minyak Kutus-Kutus terbukti ada khasiatnya. I’m really grateful for it.

Disclaimer: No, I don’t believe any oils could kill virus.

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The Laughing Phoenix

Life through broken 3D glasses. Mostly harmless.